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The Relationship Currency

by | Feb 14, 2018

I believe in the power of perspective and I remember saying to my sisters on group chat “don’t focus on all the people who weren’t good to you at the expense of all the ones who were good to you.” What that means is sometimes people complain that  no one is there for them or someone in particular wasn’t there for them but you are complaining to the person who is there for you! So what are you saying, am I not enough? I’m going to do the reverse right now, I’m going to shout out a few people but don’t think these are the only cheerleaders in my life. I’ve always avoided writing blogs like the one I am about to because while my heart is overjoyed by the love and support of these darlings who inspired the post, I’d hate for others who are equally amazing to feel slighted. You know when you give the speech and you call the names of those who “this wouldn’t be possible without” but then you forget one person who it absolutely couldn’t be possible without? Or you give a toast highlighting your favorite memories with your friends or write acknowledgements or a dedication but you neglect to mention someone who’s super important to you. Let’s just blame it on a typo, don’t charge it to my heart. Seriously though, I’m writing this based on where I am right now, I’m going to go out on a limb and be bold enough to celebrate a few people who have inspired this blog.

An e-mail landed in my inbox and I heard the frustration as my friend tried to work out a kink in a particular program. She joked that it was doing to her what Canva does to me. I am not an artsy, graphic designy, creative kind of person. I’ve never claimed to be and I’m ok with that. My friend who was baffled by one program is a genius at designing in Canva. It was then I was reminded that relationship is a currency of the realm. We eliminated each other’s weaknesses. We exchanged weaknesses for strength and we maintained respect for each other and never felt any shame. Denise, thanks for sharing your creativity with me. A woman alone is fierce. Denise and Ro? We are a force.

Almost ten years ago, I met an amazing woman. My very dear friend, Sybil told me that she knew someone she thought I would like to know (the power of relationships) and connected us. We were living in New York and decided to do brunch in Harlem and had a great conversation. I left inspired by her desire to create a legacy through her passion project, The King’s Daughters. Even though we had a good time, we didn’t keep in touch or nurture the connection. Fast forward to today, we communicate everyday! She lives in Boston and I’m in New Jersey but our season is now. One day she asked a question that warmed my heart. She said I spend a lot of my time encouraging and building up women, who encourages you? Wow! What a beautiful heart. Kristen, our time is now. I’m grateful for the connection and you’re tenacity to go after everything God promises you.

I made a decision to move to China, return to New York and rent a brownstone, marry an amazing man, be an encouraging wife, be intentional about motherhood, start a business, share my story but I had a cheerleader supporting me and telling me it was possible. I had a woman who not only shared perspective but showed me through her life that it’s possible to have a drama free marriage, be an amazing mom who is dope and creates a legacy of igniting purpose around the globe. I lived with Sybil so I saw firsthand that she is not a fraud. She advocates for positive relationships and she lives it. She empowers women to build brands and she builds them with her bare hands. She loves her children but doesn’t get lost in them. Sybil, you’ve been here for all my milestones and accomplishments so you are equally to blame for all my mistakes. Just kidding. Love you sis!

Life has taught me that relationships are the currency of the realm. I’ve also learned that:

  1. Meeting the right person at the wrong time can be detrimental to what would have otherwise been a beautiful relationship or seem inorganic if forced
  2. While you should nurture your relationships, work on them and fight for them, you have to evaluate which ones are healthy and eliminate toxic connections
  3. Relationships allow you to exchange weaknesses for strength

There is power and love in relationships~